mornings and evenings

I can hear the boys readying for school. The mornings and evenings are the hardest for me. Really I think it is all hard. I still can't drive through a McDonalds and wonder if I ever will. However the mornings is when I'd wake her up and we'd be so silly as she was excited about going to school. In the evenings it was all about getting ready for the next day. Oh, how I'd give anything to play a game of "matching" or "do colors" again. My girl was precious beyond description.

My heart constantly breaks. I'd be lying if I told you it was not a fight to continue to take part in life around me. It is a fight. I'm fortunate in that I have a wonderful husband who although is grieving so intensely himself, he's not letting me do mine alone and I not letting him do his alone. We will do this together. We've done so much together in the 20 years we've been married but this is by far the hardest thing we've ever done. Hannah was a beautiful girl and she was ours.

The boys are doing as good as they can be, I think. I know that this has and will impact their lives forever. My prayer is that they will take what they learned from Hannah and always honor her in their actions to others. I have two great guys who I am super proud of. They loved their sister with all their heart and they sacrificed a lot due to the challenges she had that impacted our family. They did it however without a complaint. I know she was loved deeply by her brothers.

I had dinner with a couple of Hannah's teachers yesterday. It was so good to see these ladies. I hope to get with the others soon. I wish all kids with special needs could experience these ladies. I'm thankful beyond measure Hannah had such wonderful teachers who loved her so.

While you are praying for us could you please say a prayer for the many families who have children suffering from seizures. Pray for strength, clarity of mind, peace, and healing. There are more of us than you probably know and we're sleep deprived, scared, and hurting. Our babies have a disorder that no one really truly understands. Doctors visits are filled with trying new meds or adjusting current meds. Meds that have horrible and vicious side effects. Most of these kids have been on numerous medications with little to no results and those moms are just holding their breath hoping and praying that the next seizure stops and that they never have the BIG one that takes the life of their precious child. There are many blessings to these kiddos so take the time to get to know one. The pain however that these parents and children go though is one that no one should have to experience. They are making progress in the scientific/medical field with seizues but it's SLOW. Too slow. Just please pray for these mommy's and if you know of one or meet one please let them know they aren't alone.

I thank you for your continued prayers as we will forever miss our Hannah. I am keeping ths blog up. Some things have been laid on my heart to do and I'm not sure how or when I will do them but we'll just keep waiting on God and just doing the next thing.

Love to you all!