Christmas 2014

It's Christmas Eve and daddy is playing the Christmas music as he piddles around the house.  You'd be so excited today.  Aunt Rhonda and all the girls are coming to the house to spend the night.  Koolio will be in heaven.  I've got a lot of cooking to do, and I'm so going to miss your tapping feet in the kitchen as I do it.  If I close my eyes I can still see us singing, dancing, and giving my dishes bubble baths.  There is sure to be tons of dishes today!  My sweet Hannah I so miss you.  Not a single day goes by that I don't think about you.  I try hard not to get sad, but it's just way hard because I love you so much!   It feels like an eternity since I kissed that sweet forehead.

This year I lost someone that I hope you got to meet.  You actually did meet her once a long time ago when you were just about a month old.  She's Emily's grandma.  Remember Emily?  She was your "bestie" when you were in NICU.  LOL!  I sure wish you could have met Emily outside of NICU.  Anyway, after you passed away Emily's grandma Kay contacted me about a job.  It was really a lifesaver.  I was so lost without you.  She was the neatest person Hannah.  Kay passed away this year and left a big hole in my world.  I so hope you guys have met.  She's a lot of fun.  Her and nanna would be quite a pair.  Speaking of Nanna, God I miss her too!  That seems to be the theme for me this time of year.  I just find myself missing so many people that meant the world to me.  Sometimes I just think about how grand it will be to see all of you again someday and I'm so grateful for the hope that I will get to!  I can't imagine living without that hope.  It just feels like heaven is so far away and that makes it hard.

Another Christmas without you.  Another year of living without you.  There was a time I did not think I could do that, but I have.  I let you inspire me...motivate me.  You are with me every minute of everyday, in everything I do.  I remain forever grateful for your life and love.  I look forward to celebrating Christmas this year and remembering that last Christmas with you.  What a gift that was!  God has really blessed us with tremendous friends Hannah.  Some never even met you but they love you!  It's incredible and I'm thankful.  I love our friends!  I can only imagine the grandness of the love you are surrounded in.  Heaven has to be a beautiful place...so many precious loved ones there that I hope you get to meet.  I sure wish heaven weren't so far away!   Merry Christmas my beautiful girl!  Mommy loves and misses you so much!