Happy New Year 2011

Dear Hannah,  I can't believe I'm going to start a new year without you.  I miss you and I miss all the fun times we had so much.  I'm not sure what life is supposed to look like without you here with me.  I know you're always here, but it's hard without your physical presence.  I'm still pretty lost although God seems to light my path just enough for the next step, and for that I'm thankful.  I can't wait to be with you again.  It's not my time yet, so I am waiting.  We know how good I am at that!  Please know precious girl that your missed and loved more than can ever be expressed.  I will never forget and I won't allow the world to either.  Thanks for all you've meant to me and continue to mean.  For the past 9 years my New Years wish and prayer has always been the same...that you'd have a seizure free life.  You're seizure free now, but my wish and prayer remains, not for you, but for all the other kiddos out there like you.  May their parents know a day where life is seizure free, and may no more children leave their mommy's too early.  Happy New Year sweet girl!  Love Always!  Mommy

Merry Christmas Hannah

It's nearly unbearable without you today but I just keep reminding myself that your Christmas this year is better than any we could have ever provided for you.  I told your daddy that I'd give anything just to go back to last Christmas and stay there.  It was just so beautiful and magical.  I loved the time I had to spend with you and all the fun we had together.  You were so much like your daddy.  Kept us laughing all the time.  I'm often told you got your strength from me, but I don't know.  I think you inspired me to be strong.  You inspired me to live.  When I think I can't go on I often think about how you lived in the midst of great obstacles and it leaves me excuseless.  I miss you terribly.  Words cannot express how much I miss you and wish I could hold you in my arms.  We're o.k. though.  We're making it.  All the people that loved you continue to love us and support us.  Thank you for being the best daughter a mother could ever have!  I will love you always and will never forget baby!  Never!  Merry Christmas! 

Sponge Bob Christmas

I wanted to put something SpongeBob related on Hannah's grave.  I threw this wreath together

and was glad to have it.  I miss my girl more than I can ever express right now. 

Merry Christmas Hannah!  I love and miss you my precious girl!

You Wouldn't Cry For Me Today- Mandisa

Christmas Memorial Service

Our church's greif share department had a Christmas memorial service in the chapel Thursday night.  They said to bring an ornament that represented our loved one.  David and I went shopping and was unable to find anything.  I was pretty disappointed and bummed.  A sweet lady we went to church with in Hillsboro asked her daughter to look while she was out shopping and she found one.  It's a sponge bob ornament.  Sponge Bob is all tangled up in Christmas lights.  It was perfect.  I'm wishing I had taken a picture of it now and still may when they move the trees into the welcome center.

We really didn't know what to expect from the service but it was nice.  We cried, laughed, and then cried again.  The pastor spoke to us and talked about Jesus being the light and how death doesn't win.  Our seperation from our loved ones is not eternal.  We will see and be with them again.  All because Christ defeated death.  It was a powerful reminder that we will be with Hannah again.  I will wrap my arms around her and and kiss that beautiful forehead again.  That's comforting.

After he spoke we each went to the front and hung our ornament on one of the three trees there.  Most of the peole hung photos of their loved ones or an angel type ornament on the trees.  Ours was the only cartoon character. LOL!  So, when they move the trees to the welcome center it should be an interesting sight.  SpongeBob is in the church house y'all!  Hannah would love it!  :<)

The holiday's are terribly hard without her.  I find myself crying tears often and everywhere I look I see things that she would love.  Around the corner from us is a blow up Sleigh that has Eyore, Pooh, and Tigger on it.  I can't help but imagine I'd have to take that route home everyday had she been here.  It hurts your heart.  It's a hurt that is indescribable.  Still, we just breathe and take the next step in the day.

I think the boys are struggling hugely with this holiday thing.  It's hard enough that nanna isn't here.  Nanna loved Christmas and she lived with us the last 8 years of her life.  She'd get that fat JCPenney catalog every year and the boys would sit and look at it and tell her what they wanted.  Then this is the first year without Hannah and I think the boys had as much fun helping her enjoy Christmas as they did themselves.  It's different this year.  New for us.  We just don't know what to do with ourselves because everything we've always done is not doable. 

The one thing that doesn't change is the reason for this season.  JESUS.  It is in him we have hope and it's because of him we'll all be together again some day.  For that I am eternally grateful.  I miss my Hannah but one day I'll see her again.  All because a baby was born, grew up and died on a cross for my sin, and rose again defeating hell and the grave.  Halelujah!

Love you all!  Thanks for the continued prayer and support.  It means the world to me!