Thursday, May 25, 2017

Sweet 16 - Happy Birthday!

It's not your birthday yet, but I can't help but think about you a lot right now.  Today I attended an Autism Conference and as every speaker spoke I thought of my life with you, and missed you terribly.  It's hard to believe that in a few days you'd have been 16 years old.  I wonder what you'd look like, how you would have grown, where you would be developmentally, and how you would have responded to the advances in medication, therapies, and technology available today.  Would you still love Sponge Bob or would you have found a new love?  Would you still like kisses on your forehead?  Would we still have to carry beads and flashcards with letters on them everywhere we go?  Some days I just want to sit in a dark corner and disappear because the pain of not having you with me is so great.  Your death still hurts, and I still miss you more than I can ever express.  Living life while missing you is hard, but I know it is necessary.  I can't stop living, but I do everything I can to keep you present in everything I do.  I hope that you feel loved, and know that I will never ever forget you or the impact your life made on mine.  You are the reason I am the person I am today.  It is you who showed me how to fight and live.  I will forever be grateful to you my sweet beautiful angel girl! Happy Birthday in a few days....May 30th!  Love, Momma