Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Happy Birthday Hannah

Today would have been your 11th birthday.  It's the third one without you here.  I miss you so much.  So glad I had you in my life even if it was for way to short a time.  Love you forever sweet girl!  All my love, Momma.

For Hannah's birthday this year I went with a flag theme.  Hannah loved the pledge and the "Grand Ole Flag".  I so miss my girl.  Can't write much today because it's all pretty negative.  It's been a really rough one this year.  Thanks for all the prayers and support!


Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Yesterday I was on my way to Waco to do an assessment when I got a call and it was canceled.  I was in Hillsboro by this time so I thought I'd stop by and check on Hannah's memorial bench.  As I stood there looking at it, a woman came out of the building and asked me if she could help me.  I had to awkwardly reply, "no, I'm good.  This is my daughter's bench and I was in town so I stopped by."  She replied, "o.k." and went about her business.  My heart sank.  All of Hannah's friends have moved on to the next school, only one of her teachers aides is still at the elementary, and none of her teachers remain there.  The principal and assistant principal have all changed.  I came to realize that soon no one would even know who the little girl on the bench even was, who I was, or why this place was significant enough to our lives that we had a bench placed there.  The place that had once been such a big part of our lives would not even recognize us.  It breaks my heart, but such is grief.  It's sneaky and it's cruel.  You wake up going about your day only to be blindsided with a pain you would give anything not to feel.  A miserable realization that something so precious to you is forever gone from this world.  All I know is that I will never forget.  I will always stop and check on that beautiful memorial whenever I'm in town, and I will awkwardly announce my reason for being there every single time as well.  I will never ever forget.  Ever.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

3rd Mother's Day

Yesterday daddy was cleaning on the garage and found one of the new Hanna Anderson outfits I bought you.  It was the one with all the bright tropical flowers.   Remember, I wouldn't let you wear it yet because it was for the Spring.  I so wish I had let you wear it, because it would have been so "you".  Your silver shoes would have gone so perfectly with it too.  I would love to remember the arguments we'd have everyday as you wanted to wear "that one" and couldn't because "that one" was dirty.  LOL!

I finally went shoe shopping the other day without you.  It was such a bittersweet experience.  There were no children shoes in the store but I could still imagine you proclaiming in awe, "SHOES" and wanting to try them all on.  I settled on a cute pair of platform wedges that you'd love.  I would have had to hide these from you because you'd certainly break your neck plopping around house in them.

It's my third Mother's day without you.  I still miss your voice and your kisses so horribly.  There is a void your leaving has left that just can't be filled by anything.  It just has to be endured and felt.  I'm so glad I had you.  Having you changed my life in so many ways.  I am stronger, more compassionate, more understanding, and most of all I have a voice.  Thank you Hannah for living your life to the fullest despite every obstacle put in your way.  Thank you for fighting with a smile on your face and most of all thank you for loving through it all.  Your love was such a perfect love.  One most of us do not get a chance to experience.  I'm thankful I did.

I love you sweet girl forever!