On Sunday my precious girl will have been gone 18 months. I'm not sure what I expected it to feel like, but I'm sure I thought it might be a tad easier at this point. It's really not. The huge heavy lump that sits in the center of my chest has not moved. I still feel her loss everywhere I turn. It's hard, very, very hard.
That being said, God has been so good to me. He has sustained me and sent me just what I needed, when I needed it. He's been so creative in His provisions for me and kept me in awe of how He works. I have been assured of His love for me like I've never been before. I'm so grateful that I know Him.
I'm still going to school. I'll probably go until I can't go anymore. I have no real idea of the direction I'm going. I do not know what my career choice is called or what it looks like. Right now I'm just going the psychology route because I love it. Especially developmental and neurological. It'll be interesting to see where it all goes. I just ask God every morning to order my steps and trust that my future is in the best possible hands.
I'm also still working. I love my job. I feel so blessed to do what I do. I work with adults who have some type of disability to get jobs in the community. It involves assessing their abilities, teaching them job search skills such as interviewing, and then job coaching once they get the job. I've got a wonderful boss who puts up with my my constant "ideas". In case you didn't know I always have some kind of idea brewing or search/research going. It can be annoying to some but bless Kay's heart she lets me be me. It's great!
Next weekend I will have 7 of my 8 nieces at my house. I can't wait! I can't help but think how much Hannah would have enjoyed them all. She would have been right in the middle of them entertaining them. We'll have fun and I am looking forward to my time with them. The boys are doing good. Kyle will finish up his basics next semester and is looking into transfers. Zach will be a senior and he has a sporting entertainment internship so he'll be one busy and happy guy! David is a member of the Good times chorus here in Arlington. His first performance is coming up in August. They're all doing good and I'm proud of them.
So, as this 18 months without Hannah come and go, I can tell you that I still miss her as much as I did the day she left me. I find myself more thankful everyday that she was part of my life. She still touches my life so deeply. Every time I assess a client and use her "matching" cards, I have to smile. I miss playing "matching". I'd give anything to have her here on my bed right now with all those cards laying out. I'd play as many games as she wanted to play. I'll always want her here. That's the momma in me. I can't wait for a day when we're all together again. What a day that will be! I cling to that and it is comforting. Until then, I miss her, want her, and trust in a God that holds my future, just like he held hers.
Thanks for the continued support and prayers! They mean the world to us.
Dear Hannah, I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! I thank you so much for all you taught me and the life you shared with me. You were and still are my inspiration. I was and still am so proud to be your momma. I love you sweet girl. Always! Momma