Saturday, November 27, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What I'm missing...

I'm finding more and more things I'm missing about Hannah as I get ready for Thanksgiving.  I'm really missing having her under my feet with all the chatter.  I miss her playing in my sink giving the dishes bubble baths,  I miss her saying over and over, "it's hot, very hot, yes, it is!"  She'd also tell me everytime I walked out of the kitchen..."it's time to cook dinner!" and would say it until I went back into the kitchen.  I so miss having to stop between tasks or in the middle of tasks and having to do the dino dance or have a time of worship singing, "I'll Fly Away or You Deserve the Glory".  I just miss this girl so very much and wish she were with us.  As I let Kyle out at work A woman was walking out with her little girl and she had on those little play shoes.  It stabbed me right in the heart.  Hannah loved those shoes.  Clomp, clomp, clomp all over the house.  I miss my baby.  Love you Hannah!  Always!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I'm thankful.  What I'm thankful for has changed somewhat, in a way, well, not really. 

Last year I was thankful for seizure free days and the way Hannah's world had been opening up.  She was having an incredible year developmentally.  I thanked God every morning when I woke her up for one more day with my girl.  I remember that I must have said it so much that she started saying it for me..."Thank you Lord for another day with my Hannah!"  It was so adorable and the fact that she spoke in third person made it just precious.

This year as I reflect on the year I find myself still thankful that my girl is seizure free, free from sickness, free from the pain of needles, free of the limitations of autism.  Everything I wanted for her here she is experiencing in heaven.  I'm so very thankful for the nearly 9 years I had her in my life and for everything that her life meant to me.  I will never be the same person I was before Hannah.  She taught me some powerful lessons that changed my life forever.  I just feel so incredibly grateful that I had the privilege of being this amazing girl's mom.

Thank you God for allowing me the time you did with our precious Hannah..  Thank you for holding us up and sending people into our lives to help us keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are eternally grateful for your love and care.  Take good care of our girl.  Give her a hug and kiss from me and could you sing our Turkey song with her, (sang to the tune of Frere Jacques) "Mr. Turkey...Mr. Turkey...Big and Fat...Big and Fat...I am going to eat you...I am going to eat you...just like that...just like that. (then make smacking gulping sounds).  Tell her Happy Thanksgiving and we miss her! 

Thanks to all my friends and family for continuing to love us even in the middle of great change in our lives.  Your love and support mean the world to us. All my love, Marcey   

Saturday, November 13, 2010


You are my only make me happy when skies are never know dear how much I love please don't take my sunshine away...

Hannah and I would sing this song daily.  I loved the sweet way she said the words.  Precious moments I'll never forget.  Never.  I can't tell you the number of times I'd sing the last phrase of that song with tears in my eyes.  Something in me, although I wouldn't admit it, knew I'd not always have my girl with me.  I'm thankful for all the time I spent with my girl and all the fun we had.  I do however wish I had spent more time and we'd have had more fun.  I keep replaying the last couple months with Hannah in my mind and I can tell you that I'm extremely thankful for the prompting that I believe God gave me to put down what I was doing and spend time with Hannah.  So many times she'd come in the middle of me doing something and I'd want to put her off only to feel a quickening that I do not know if I'll have tomorrow.  I'd put everything down and spend some precious moments with my girl.  Moments I'll forever cherish.  I know it probably sounds strange to some, but it is what happened to me and I believe God gave me a gift in the quickenings.  Time is truly a gift.  I'm grateful.

Hannah's bench is done and dedicated.  It is beautiful and it's perfect.  It is a project that I'm so glad we did and I'm so incredibly thankful for the artist; Linda Solby, Harwood, and HISD for making it a possibility.  I started putting the bench project together in March of this year only months after Hannah's passing.  It was fun and fulfilling to see it through.  Hannah's teacher put together the unveiling and she did an incredible job.  It was all just perfect.  The day after the unveiling I did not get out of bed or my PJ's until after 2 p.m.  I found myself grieving and feeling like I had done the last tangible thing I could do for Hannah on this earth.  It was a tough day.  Those come and go and I'm learning to go with the eb and flow of things.  Not easy but it's my reality and I am learning.

The holiday season is upon us and I have found myself wanting to throw a hissy fit and ban it this year.  I don't want to do Christmas without my girl.  Another part of me can't help but remember the beautiful and wonderful last Christmas we had with Hannah.  I am trusting God to get me through in whatever manner he sees fit because I sure don't have a clue how to do it.  I'm thanking God that He has a plan and works things in such a way that only He can do.  I"m confident we'll get through the next couple of months(Thanksgiving  through the one year anniversary of Hannah's death) with the same grace and mercy that has lead us through the past 10 months.  He's faithful.

We're all doing o.k. and I know that's in huge part to all the prayers and support from our friends and family.  Thank you!   

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bench Unveiling

Yesterday was the unveiling of Hannah's bench.  The bench is perfect and beautiful just like our girl.  There were moments when we along with her classmates were singing her favorite songs that I could just imagine her looking down on us with that beautiful smile enjoying it all with us.  How I wish she were here but I won't dwell on that.  She will now always be a part of the place she loved so much and for that I am forever grateful.  It was an amazing day and her teacher and school staff did an incredible job of honoring her.  Thank you Harwood and HISD for making this a possibility and thank you Linda Solby for using your talents in such a marvelous way. 

Some photos from the day.