Saturday, January 30, 2010

I had a dream...

Last night I had a dream. In the dream I was standing in a room with no roof, and the sky was brilliant. The room was full of the most vibrant and beautiful colors I'd ever seen. Despite being in a strange place it felt so perfectly right. There was a curtain and I cracked it. I saw the back of a child with long beautiful hair. She had on shorty PJ's.(Hannah's loved shorty pj's) She was turned toward a wall filled with letters, numbers, colors, shapes, calendars, & a number of things. My heart was beating almost out of my chest. There were about 20 or more other children sittiing criss cross on the floor. The little girl turned around and it was Hannah. She looked so amazingly happy. I couldn't get to her and it was frustrating. Finally I just stopped trying and watched as she took the pointer and began her calendar time. She pointed to things and asked a child what it was and they'd respond and she'd tell them "you got it going on girlfriend!" She reached up to the shape oval and paused a minute, ran her fingers perfectly around it and felt it.(Hannah had severe hypotonia in her fingers and hands and never could trace anything without assistance) One of the kids said, "what is it Ms. Hannah?" She turned and looked at him and said with true appreciation, "that my friend is an oval." They contnued circle time and another of the children said, "how old are you Ms. Hannah". Her reply was with a sheepish grin..."66.....nooooooo, I am 8 yrs old but almost 9!" For those who know Hannah she would always say she was 66 and then correct herself. It was another one of those awnry things she did. It also took her half a year to learn and understand that she had grown a year older. Thihs is where my dream ended...She looked up and right at me, gave me and wink and turned around and said...."story time". In her hand was the book..."The Farmer didn't wake up."(I buried that book with her because it was her favorite) I never got to her or talked to her. I was an observer. It felt o.k. though. Like I'd be back.

I'm not sure what to think about dreams. Right now I don't care. I'm just thankful for this one. It's helpful to see my girl happy and whole. It's unbelievably hard not having her with me. The last two days have been gut wrenching. I miss Hannah so much. We all do. Including Koolio. He still looks for her. Our lives have been forever changed. I'm thankful for every moment we had with her and I wish we'd had so many more. I've been really talking with God the last couple days about helping us through this and I know He is and will.

We really appreciate your continued prayers and support. I don't know what we'd do without it. Our family did start counseling last week to help get through this together. The last thing we want is for one of us to need the other and we be so wrapped up in our own grief that someone gets left behind. Pray for wisdom, strength and courage for us all. Love y'all so much!

7 comments:

joefelein said...

God's way of letting you know that everything is alright. Hannah is happy, and doing what she always wanted....God Bless you Marcey.

Heather said...

God often shows us things in our dreams because it's the only time He can really get our full attention. God is showing you that your girl is whole and healed and happy. He's giving you peace! And the fact that you felt you'd be back lets you know that you will see her again. It may not be in your dreams, but you will see her again in Heaven! You will see her in your dreams again as God continues to give you peace but those dreams will come when you least expect them!

Please continue this blog, I love reading it and I believe that writing out your feelings and thoughts is also a way to work through your grieving. Continuing to pray for you and your family! Be blessed!

Sally G said...

What a wonderful dream. Healing and wholeness. Marcey, you are such an encouragement to me. And I thought of you all this morning, and offered up to God that you would be strengthened today. Much love.

Anonymous said...

Marcey the prayers just are going your way for you and the guys. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I don't know this pain though. I am so glad God gave you this dream. Hannah's ok now! She's well and she's safe. I, too, hope you keep this blog going. Hannah's whole life has taught so many about the love of Jesus and you have such a beautiful way with the words to tell that story!

I love you and am praying for you!

Lisa

Heather said...

Isn't our God so amazing? That He gave you a chance to "check up" on Hannah and see how she was doing. I love how she also acknowledged you as well. She is going to be able to sing and dance to her hearts content without the fear of seizures or not being able to understand everything. I hope God is wrapping His arms around you Marcey, my prayers are with you.

Love you

Heather

Mike west said...

Hey sis this is awesome. I love you very much and I know God will see yall through. Love your brother

Anonymous said...

WOW Marcey! That dream was awesome! I have read all your blogs and think that it's wonderful that you are still sharing everything. You are helping people more than you know...Bless you all! Sorry we didn't get to attend the service for her but our thoughts were with you that day. Love, Annette Mauck