Monday, March 2, 2009

Sad evening, getting ready, and all that stuff...

Yesterday I ran to Hurst to see Vicki and she gave me a few things we'll need at training. She gave me a treat bag, a tote bag, a mutt mat and some coupons for a free 8x10 at the mall we'll do some of our training at. It made everything seem more real somehow. I can't believe we have to leave here in just 4 days! I'm no where near ready! The house is looking pretty good. We've been cleaning and rearranging.

Yesterday evening was a rough one. David's cousin had taken some pictures of Billie in her casket at the funeral home and Hannah found them. It was the most pitiful sight. She sat in the floor and looked at everyone one of them and said, "awwwwww, nanna sleeping. Time to wake up. kisses!" I tried to explain that nanna was with Jesus and she said, "awwwww. She talk to Jesus! Kisses!" and she placed one of the photos to her forehead. I tried several times to put the photo away and she would come looking for it and beg for it. I lost it when I went to check on Hannah and she had pulled back the covers on her bed and put "nanna" to bed. She laid the picture in the bed and she wanted nanna to have her oxygen. My heart broke for her. I know how bad she is going to miss her nanna and she can't possibly understand. I think we're getting Koolio at the perfect time.

Originally this past weekend would have been when I took Billie to Sissy's and I'd be picking her up the last weekend in March after we brought Koolio home. She was going to stay a month. That was before the whole rehab thing came into the picture. I just so wanted her to get stronger. I keep thinking that maybe we should have just brought her back home, but then I think about her dying here and I just don't think I could have taken it and I know the kids couldn't have. I just wish we had one more day with her.

This stuff is tough. I'm sorry I'm such a downer. This should be one of the happiest and most exciting times and I'm so sad that it's hard to be that way. It almost feels wrong to be any other way.


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